The Husband as Gardener

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Brueghel, Jan the Elder

With the acceptance of divorce by Christians, the idea of the husband as gardener has slipped from our imaginations.  This God-given role is a beautiful one, indeed.  It is explained brilliantly in True Men As We Need Them by Rev. Bernard O'Rielly.  I've read the following passages too many times to count, and they always inspire me.

The idea is first introduced in Chapter II, "Creation Of A Home, The First Work":

Adam had been created outside of this Garden of Delights, in some less favored portion of the vast domain reserved for his descendants.  He thus was enabled, when transferred by his Divine Benefactor to the earthly paradise, to judge by comparison of the immense superiority of his new abode to all that his eyes had beheld hitherto.  This brief experience prepared him to improve by his own husbandry even the teeming soil of paradise, and to guard with unwearied watchfulness the untold wealth,--intrusted to him not only in all the produce of this fairy spot, but in his own soul and its destinies, in the companion soon given to him in Eve, in their united innocence and bliss, and in the welfare of their offspring.

Thus, in the Home bestowed on him who first on earth bore the name of father and discharged its duties, we find that there was imposed a double law, regarding solely home-happiness and well-being,--the law of labor and of vigilance.

This law is still the blessed necessity which ennobles the life of man, and creates within his earthly home all that it can possess of bliss and nobleness:  Every true man has to work to create his home, when he has it not; to preserve and increase its stores, where he receives it by inheritance, and he has to watch over its honor, its happiness, its security, with a most loving care.

Then, in Chapter IV, "Paradise As Realized In The Home Of The True Man," I will share three most edifying paragraphs under the subtitle, "How a True Man should Choose his Companion, and Cultivate her Heart."  May that phrase, "cultivate her heart," be the mantra of all young husbands!

We must not, however, anticipate on what has to be treated fully in its proper place.  Suffice it to say at present, that even when parents have solely consulted the Divine Will and the best interests of their son in choosing for him or in directing his choice,--or even when he has been given a woman endowed with all the natural and supernatural graces that make her a treasure beyond price,--much, very much remains for the young husband to do if he would call forth all the wealth of his treasure, and apply it to the best uses.  (emphasis mine)

A rich womanly nature demands to be known, to be appreciated, to be developed by the deep love, the ingenious tenderness, the unfailing devotion, the delicate and respectful attentions, --ever growing in assiduity with each successive year,--of her young husband.

You have chosen, from out the varied wealth of the garden and the forest, the loveliest and rarest flower that attracted your eye; will you have it brighten and perfume your home to the utmost?  Then study its nature, its habits, what soil it likes best, what companions suit it (for plants and flowers also have their preferences), what degree of moisture, of heat, of shade, or of sunshine.  Gardeners will tell you that wild flowers from the meadow, the woods, or the mountains, will seem to change their nature under care of an intelligent and loving hand, and in a few seasons become so beautiful that they seem to have been transformed by culture.  Not that only; but the flowers most beautiful by nature are so much improved by the art of the gardener, that their charms are not only increased tenfold, but varied continually so as to create ever new surprise and delight.  And who does not know that the horticulturist's skill can enhance to a wonderful extent the qualities of the most delicious fruits of our fields or our gardens?

Fr. O'Rielly sums up the importance of "cultivating her heart" magnificently under the subtitle, "This is 'to Dress and to Keep' the Home-Garden":

To you, O man of the world, your home-garden, your paradise,--the source of your purest and dearest felicity on this side of the grave, is the mind and heart and soul of your wife, your companion, the mother of your children.  Her soul, her life, is given you "to dress and to keep;" and on your appreciating her nature and her worth, on your knowing how to call forth by your love, your care, your devotion to her service, by the sunlight of your examples much more even than by your mere love and tenderness,--must depend whether or not you shall have a home-garden, a paradise,--or a hell upon earth.

Is that not incredibly empowering for the young husband?  With loving care he cultivates the rose upon the trellis to burst into bloom and perfume his garden.  It is a labor of love, worthy of his best efforts.  How dramatically we could prune back the number of divorces if we taught young men to be cultivators of their wives' hearts!  This is why I encourage you, dear reader, to share this post.  We all desperately need this instruction on the lost art of husbanding a wife, as we each have opportunities to support Catholic marriages.  Sharing the information is an easy way to help restore the Church.  May God bless you in your efforts.

 

Men in Morning: A Happy Alternative to Men's Daytime Formal Dress

I really like this "morning dress" look!

With Emma's encouragement, I am beginning to learn about the options for men's formal dress.  Unless your wedding is in the evening, the appropriate dress for the groom and groomsmen is not a tuxedo--in the UK anyway.  We Americans have pretty much abandoned such rules, but it's good to know there are some elegant alternatives to the standard tux.

The most interesting thing I learned is that a morning suit (where the coat, pants, and vest are all from the same fabric) is considered more casual than the morning dress "ensemble".  I thought it would be the opposite.   

Now what do you do with this information?  Are there "morning dress" rental shops?  I searched the websites of the two tuxedo rental firms that we saw at the Houston Bridal Extravaganza.  Al's Formal Wear listed a "cutaway" coat as a tuxedo option.  I couldn't find any morning coat/suit options at Men's Wearhouse.   I'll report back if I turn up some other options.

In the meantime, if you're interested in learning more, you might start with blacktieguide.com:

Like most formalwear etiquette, the proscription against donning evening wear during the day is not simply an arbitrary custom but a matter of aesthetic logic.  The tuxedo and tailcoat take their black color from their after-dark surroundings and in this context they imbue their wearer with elegance, power and even an air of mystery.  When worn in broad daylight, however, black suits look dull and lifeless and tend to make (Caucasian) men’s faces appear ashen which is what makes them so appropriate for traditional funeral director attire. 

Conversely, while formal day coats are also usually black they are typically the only occurrence of ebony in morning dress (the traditional term for formal day wear).  Their somberness is offset by non-matching gray trousers – which are themselves enlivened with striped or checked patterns – and by the addition of tastefully colored ties, waistcoats and even shirts.  The end result is an ensemble immensely more suitable for daylight and delightfully more open to personalization than a tuxedo is, yet at the same time significantly more formal than a regular suit.  It is no wonder this genteel tradition remains commonplace in Britain and at the same time perplexing that it became highjacked in America. 

Read the entire blacktieguide.com article HERE

A Dreamy Day of Trying on Wedding Dresses

 Last year when Emma was taking a pattern drafting class, one of her homework assignments was to go to a bridal shop and try on wedding dresses.   Emma also had to sketch a wedding dress design.  Now this is the kind of homework a girl can love.  We had a fabulous time!

I thought my readers might enjoy these pictures.  They were taken by Kaley Palanjian, my niece.  She and her mom, my sister, Lisa, accompanied us to the bridal shops.  It was a great girl-fun day.

Dressing Modestly for the Catholic Wedding

Train up a girl in the way she should dress, and when she marries, she will not depart from it.
Dr. Marian T. Horvat addresses the importance of Catholic brides choosing modest wedding gowns in this article at Tradition in Action, which features helpful photos as well as excellent commentary. The photo of Philomena de Joras shows a great way to "fix" a dress with an immodest neckline and/or no sleeves: the addition of an elegant little jacket. This really opens up a path to great savings, because many otherwise lovely gowns are available at thrift stores and resale shops.

I think most of the problem of immodest bridal apparel comes from the lack of an everyday church dress code. A simple reminder of what is expected, posted prominently, makes all the difference. Our chapel has such a sign in the vestibule. The expectations are backed up by solid teaching from the pulpit. It seems to work for our regular parishioners, girls and women alike. Except for a few rare occasions, when I have seen a woman with her head uncovered, in pants, or a low-cut or sleeveless blouse, she has been a visitor. The same goes for the occasional man in shorts. The ones who return conform to the congregation's standards.

Likewise, at traditional Catholic weddings, the problem of immodesty (and disrespectful behavior) is generally from the non-traditional Catholic guests. They do not do so intentionally; they just do not know what the Real Presence requires of them. Some brides have addressed this problem by adding to the wedding invitation an explanatory note about proper dress and behavior.