Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hot Flashes of Insight Into Modern Medicine: It Ain't Catholic

A little off-the-wall humor for "mature" readers.

While at a garage waiting for the oil to be changed in my car the other day, I flipped through a "ladies" magazine in the lobby and read some health-related articles. What an eye-opener!

Having gone through pregnancy and birth, I already knew that the medical establishment has turned reproduction into a disease that must be monitored, medicated, and sanitized. Now I know that they have done the same for menopause. After all, there is no money to be made with normalcy!

I'll take a wee bit of artistic license here and there and tell you what I learned during those fifteen minutes with the magazine:

"Do you have hot flashes?
Ask your doctor about prescribing anti-seizure and anti-depressant medication."

I'm not making that up! They even included the specific brand names to ask for. And you thought the hot flashes were bad? Just wait til you see the side effects for their control! In other words, after you are driven to suicide, you will no longer be bothered with those pesky hot flashes.

I can still remember being perturbed as a teenager by the Midol commercials that said it was designed for the times "before, during, and after."

"Let's see," I remember thinking, "that could cover every day of the month!"

Midol was just baby, over-the-counter stuff, though, a stepping stone to more lucrative products. Where does it all end? The answer to one magazine reader's question is revealing:

Questioner: Now that I'm 50 years old, may I please get off the pill?"

Expert: "Oh, NO! You must stay on it til you're 55 or 60. Don't even think about getting off until you haven't had a period for a year! You wouldn't want to (GASP!) get pregnant, would you?!"

My imagined response:

Questioner: "No, no, of course not! Not a BABY! How awful! How horrifying! How un-American! Please, Lord, just forget the whole Abraham and Sarah thing! I'll take my chances with the increased risk of breast cancer instead! After all, there's a whole lot of sympathy for the woman with breast cancer. There is nothing but disgust for the woman who carries her own baby and an AARP card!"

I don't know what the chances of pregnancy are after 50, but I'm guessing they are exceedingly slim. But Big Pharma wants to maximize sales to every woman, so keep popping those pills. The corporate economy depends on it.

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