How to Remove Chicken from the Freezer
I know. You're thinking, "Just open the door, reach in, and remove the chicken."
That is always what I have done in the past, dear reader. But not today.
No, today, the chicken is UNDER the freezer, and it is stinky dead. The freezer is in the garage, where it is probably 110 degrees.
After studying the situation, Emma got down on all fours and tried pulling it out from the front. "Ewwww!" she cried, "WORMS ARE IN ITS EYE!" Although she could see this appetizing detail, she could not extract the putrefied carcass. Tugging only loosed some feathers.
"Let me try pushing it to the back," I told her. "I think that is how it got under there in the first place."
Wielding first a shovel and then a broom handle, I poked and prodded and stirred, all to no avail. The chicken did not emerge from the back side.
"OK. I guess we'll just have to move the freezer," I sighed. Emma and I gathered our strength and hove into the mammoth upright. It might as well have been a granite mountain. It didn't even tremble. We tried again. Same result. I appraised the situation anew and came to the firm conclusion that a dead chicken under the freezer is definitely a man problem. I informed Emma.
"Let's go visit Grandma," she said brightly. So we perambulated away from Perplexing Poultry Problem #573 and did not look back.