Good for Your Soul: Jefferson Davis's Remarks on Robert E. Lee

 

On a whim tonight I decided to check Abbeville Institute's site for something historical to read. I hadn't visited in months, maybe not since last year. I discovered just the right thing to suit me: a speech by Jefferson Davis honoring Robert E. Lee. I didn't read the whole thing. The first two paragraphs were enough. I had a deep need to read about a truly good man. I had been reading Twitter. Enough said? 

This was a double scoop of edification, because Jefferson Davis's own goodness shone brilliantly in his remarks about his friend. Such gentlemen. Shall we have the likes of them again when the rule by the insane predator class is over? ( I started to just say "predator" but felt it was critical for accuracy to go back and add the modifier "insane".)

 I didn't read the whole thing because I have How to Resist Amazon and Why by Danny Caine on the chair beside me. I want to get started on it. And on the other chair I have a gorgeous edition of Kenneth Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, which I started re-reading with supreme delight a couple of nights ago. 

Anyway, here are the two paragraphs I read about the admirable Robert E. Lee:

Robert E. Lee was my associate and friend in the military academy, and we were friends until the hour of his death. We were associates and friends when he was a soldier and I a congressman; and associates and friends when he led the armies of the Confederacy and I presided in its Cabinet. We passed through many sad scenes together, but I cannot remember that there was ever aught but perfect harmony between us. If ever there was difference of opinion it was dissipated by discussion, and harmony was the result. I repeat, we never disagreed, and I may add that I never in my life saw in him the slightest tendency to self-seeking. It was not his to make a record, it was not his to shift blame to other shoulders; but it was his with an eye fixed upon the welfare of his country, never faltering to follow the line of duty to the end. His was the heart that braved every difficulty; his was the mind that wrought victory out of defeat.

He has been charged with “want of dash”. I wish to say that I never knew Lee to falter to attempt anything ever man could dare. An attempt has also been made to throw a cloud upon his character because he left the army of the United States to join in the struggle for the liberty of his State. Without trenching at all upon politics, I deem it my duty to say one word in reference to this charge. Virginian born, descended from a family illustrious in Virginia’s annals, given by Virginia to the service of the United States, he represented her in the Military Academy at West Point. He was not educated by the Federal Government, but by Virginia; for she paid her full share for the support of that institution, and was entitled to demand in return the services of her sons. Entering the army of the United States, he represented Virginia there also, and nobly. On many a hard-fought field Lee was conspicuous, battling for his native State as much as for the Union. He came from Mexico crowned with honors, covered by brevets, and recognized, young as he was, as one of the ablest of his country’s soldiers. And to prove that he was estimated then as such, let me tell you that when Lee was a captain of engineers stationed in Baltimore the Cuban Junta in New York selected him to be their leader in the struggle for the independence of their native country. They were anxious to secure his services, and offered him every temptation that ambition could desire. He thought the matter over, and, I remember, came to Washington to consult me as to what he should do, and when I began to discuss the complications which might arise from his acceptance of the trust he gently rebuked me, saying that this was not the line upon which he wished my advice, the simple question was “Whether it was right or not”. He had been educated by the United States, and felt wrong to accept place in the army of a foreign power. Such was his extreme delicacy, such was the nice sense of honor of the gallant gentleman whose death we deplore. But when Virginia withdrew—the State to whom he owed his first and last allegiance-the same nice sense of honor led him to draw his sword and throw it in the scale for good or evil. Pardon me for this brief defence of my illustrious friend.

Please do read the whole thing here if you have a mind to: Jefferson Davis on Robert E. Lee 

When Women Don Pants, Men Don Dresses and Other Lessons Carved in Granite

Nature abhors a vacuum, right?

This is my explanation for the growing problem of gender confusion.  I am frequently struck, when confronted by cross-dressing men, at how eagerly they embrace the most beautiful elements of women's traditional attire--the ruffles and laces, etc., that truly set apart a woman's clothing from a man's.  These poor, confused fellows seem to know better than most women of today how much these details help a woman represent her charm and delicacy, her dependence, which a man finds such a delightful counterpoint to his leadership role and helps inspire him to love her as Christ loves the Church.

So my dear lady readers, if you desire to establish the Social Reign of Christ the King in the the Masonic Land of  Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity, forego voting at the polls and instead wear beautiful dresses.  You will be surprised at the marvelous impact you will have as you do your part to restore the order established by God.

+++++++

Just the other day I was tugging two trash cans to the road down my long driveway, when one of the roofers who was working on our house rushed to my assistance and valiantly bore my burdens away.  I had had absolutely no interaction with this man previously.  I simply wore a soft gray skirt and soft rose-colored top with flower embroidery.  That did all my communicating for me.

Of course, in some cases, the dress alone is not enough.  For instance, last week, when my new countertops were installed, I, wearing a dress and apron, expressed concern that the new granite countertop that was supposed to be deep enough to use as a bar, was significantly less so than I had discussed with the contractor.  This caused such a flurry of concerned exchanges among the workers, who so desperately wanted to please me, that within minutes the granite man, Mario, brought me his phone with the contractor on the other end.  Fortuitously, the contractor and I had had an occasion the day before to resolve another countertop issue agreeably by my willingness to accept his expert recommendation over my previously decided upon course.

The way it played out was that he had serious reservations about my choice but told me he would do what I wanted.

"You're the boss," he stated, matter-of-factly.

I immediately assured him that I did not want to "be the boss", which somewhat took him aback.

And since he and the granite man both agreed that my plan for dealing with this issue would be unattractive and less usable, I told them that I would happily defer to them, as they were experts and had far more experience in this situation than I.

This news proved quite hard for the contractor to believe; he kept trying to win me over and explain again why I would be unhappy doing it my way.

"You do not have to keep explaining," I assured him.  "I accept your recommendation.  I trust you and Mario to make the best decision, and I leave it to you and him to work out the details."

Pure shock registered on the poor man's face, as well as on the face of the other workers who had stopped what they were doing to pay attention to this discussion.  The shock soon turned to pleasure, however, and I have reaped the benefits ever since.  More on that later.

And, he was right.  The countertop does indeed look better the way he recommended doing it.

Men long to be respected/trusted.  Women who learn this and act accordingly will find that it smoothes the way in many a thorny situation, and many pleasant things may come their way that otherwise would not.

So, when I talked with the contractor about the bar not being the right size, I could hear the grief in his voice that I was not happy.  He explained to me why it could not be done the way that we had originally discussed, and while I understood immediately the limitations he described, I could not help wailing,

"But I'm so disappointed!" as indeed, I truly was.  I had waited twelve years to address this issue, and now it would not be.

This outburst of emotion on my part apparently completely unglued him, because the next words out of his mouth, uttered with deep distress, were,

"But honey..."  

He rushed on from there, repeating his lengthy explanation of why the original plan wouldn't work and no doubt trying to cover his awkward slip.  I knew immediately that he did not intend to call me "honey".  I suspected that he had, unaware, reverted to how he dealt with his wife.  It had slipped out in the face of being confronted with The Feminine.  He finished his long apology with, "I don't want you to be disappointed!"

Poor man!  There was absolutely nothing he could do to fix it, but it grieved his manhood not to be able to make me happy.  And this is a man who is at least 15 years my junior.  This was not about trying to please me because I was an attractive young woman.  No, the woman he was struggling to please was a past-middle-age mom with graying hair, numerous wrinkles, and excess baggage in the caboose.  Haha!

This is not to say that I don't take a firm stand when necessary.  The very next day, using the authority of my husband because he was not here, I pointed out problems with some plumbing projects.  This critique was magnanimously handled by the contractor, and I can't help but believe that it would have been different if I had not gained his respect in the prior conflicts.

Now, I know that not all men will respond as well as the ones with whom I have had experience.  But in general, I believe they will, because that is the way God made them.

So, dear lady friends, I encourage you to take joy in your womanhood.   You do not need to "wear the pants" to get things accomplished, and in fact, it is better if you don't.

Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.  (Matt., 6:33)

Men in Morning: A Happy Alternative to Men's Daytime Formal Dress

I really like this "morning dress" look!

With Emma's encouragement, I am beginning to learn about the options for men's formal dress.  Unless your wedding is in the evening, the appropriate dress for the groom and groomsmen is not a tuxedo--in the UK anyway.  We Americans have pretty much abandoned such rules, but it's good to know there are some elegant alternatives to the standard tux.

The most interesting thing I learned is that a morning suit (where the coat, pants, and vest are all from the same fabric) is considered more casual than the morning dress "ensemble".  I thought it would be the opposite.   

Now what do you do with this information?  Are there "morning dress" rental shops?  I searched the websites of the two tuxedo rental firms that we saw at the Houston Bridal Extravaganza.  Al's Formal Wear listed a "cutaway" coat as a tuxedo option.  I couldn't find any morning coat/suit options at Men's Wearhouse.   I'll report back if I turn up some other options.

In the meantime, if you're interested in learning more, you might start with blacktieguide.com:

Like most formalwear etiquette, the proscription against donning evening wear during the day is not simply an arbitrary custom but a matter of aesthetic logic.  The tuxedo and tailcoat take their black color from their after-dark surroundings and in this context they imbue their wearer with elegance, power and even an air of mystery.  When worn in broad daylight, however, black suits look dull and lifeless and tend to make (Caucasian) men’s faces appear ashen which is what makes them so appropriate for traditional funeral director attire. 

Conversely, while formal day coats are also usually black they are typically the only occurrence of ebony in morning dress (the traditional term for formal day wear).  Their somberness is offset by non-matching gray trousers – which are themselves enlivened with striped or checked patterns – and by the addition of tastefully colored ties, waistcoats and even shirts.  The end result is an ensemble immensely more suitable for daylight and delightfully more open to personalization than a tuxedo is, yet at the same time significantly more formal than a regular suit.  It is no wonder this genteel tradition remains commonplace in Britain and at the same time perplexing that it became highjacked in America. 

Read the entire blacktieguide.com article HERE

Beer with No Fear

I know all my readers have been dying to hear my gluten-free beer recommendation, so here it is!

BARD'S.  It's made from malted sorghum, and it was thoroughly tested by my dear husband, who loves quality beer.  He said that he could not tell that it was gluten-free, it just tasted good.

Now you can grab an Amy's gluten-free pizza from the freezer at your grocery store and a six-pack of Bard's and not feel deprived one bit.  Except maybe of some dollars.  All this gluten-free stuff costs more, of course.  I think the beer was $9-$10.  We bought it at Spec's, a family-owned, Texas chain of liquor stores.  When I visited their site to get the link for this post, I discovered that they have a wedding/event gift registry!  O Happy Day!  Goodbye, Amazon!  Hello, Spec's!

The Elegant Laborer

Yesterday my dream became concrete reality.  We had a sidewalk poured to connect the back of our house to Emma's bower and my parent's driveway.  As I watched the work progress, my eye kept lighting on this one man.  He swung a pick ax, operated heavy equipment, and worked concrete with complete ease and looked elegant doing it. Why?  He wore a long-sleeved western shirt, a cowboy hat, and light-colored jeans--nothing unusual, but he stood out from the other laborers who wore short-sleeved pullovers or t-shirts and ball caps. 

I wonder what he wears to church.

Fostering Gentlemanly Pursuits

A lot of influences came together recently and sparked an epiphany for me: Young men need a place to gather to talk about and do manly things. It's not that I didn't know previously that men need a designated place, I just didn't see that space as for any men other than my own two.

With them in mind, over the last couple of years I have been working toward making our game room more manly. We've had the essential leather couches, pool table, and dart board since we moved in almost six years ago. The room was painted a wimpy pale yellow, though. I bought an oak game table and chairs from a thrift store, hung a longhorn skull for a hat rack and pictures of airplanes and dogs. Herb chose a rich terra cotta shade for the walls, and he and Nathaniel painted them. I am no decorator, but it seemed to fit the requirements of a "man cave". I thought: mission accomplished.

Then, Nathaniel got an X-box and started spending more and more time on it. It is connected to the internet so that he not only plays with other people, he talks to them on a headset. As I listened to his conversation over several months, I realized that he had team buddies that he played with regularly and that he talked to them as if they were right in the room with him, congratulating them when they did well, thanking them for helping him, warning them to "look out". It reminded me of a script from a war movie.

These "friendships" were very important to him. Though my husband is quite content to have no social life at all outside of work and church, Nathaniel is exactly the opposite. He has never enjoyed doing things by himself, and a project that he would not attempt on his own, he will throw himself into enthusiastically with friends. I tried to think of what I could do to help him get to spend more time with his flesh and blood friends, most of whom live far from us.

HINDSIGHT: IT'S SO ANNOYING

As I thought, I realized that I had spent much more time and effort catering to Emma's interests and helping her develop hobbies--not on purpose, but because as another female I understood her better. I wondered if it was too late for me to try to help Nathaniel.

I started thinking about Chesterton and the role traditional pubs used to play in a gentleman's life--not a place to get drunk but a place to have good discussions, play games, and enjoy a good beer. Chesterton and his writer friends (the Inklings) met regularly in the Rabbit Room at the Eagle and Child, a pub in Oxford.

The corner of the pub where the Inklings met. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia.

So I began thinking of creating something comparable at our house. I needed more than just a room, though. I needed enough activities for them to do so that it would make it worth their time and gas to drive out here. More, I wanted these activities to foster bonds between them and help them to become better men.

I sifted through and narrowed down until I came up with this short list of manly things that they could do at our house: fly radio control airplanes, shoot guns, practice archery, and play chess, poker, darts, and pool.

All of these things are doable at our house. I talked it over with Nathaniel, and he likes the idea. Now we just need to plan the grand opening.

Vested Interest

"Where is your son going to wear all these vests?" asked the clerk at Men's Wearhouse, clearly mystified.

I had scooped up three tuxedo vest sets for Nathaniel--one in purple, one in rose, and one in blue.

Until that moment it hadn't occurred to me that my purchase would be considered out of the ordinary.

"Well, we go to the old Latin Mass, and he wants to wear them for special feast days," I tried to explain. "For example, he could wear the rose on Laetare Sunday and the purple. . ." at this point I could already see that I had lost the poor man completely, so I stopped without telling him about purple for penitential seasons like Advent and Lent and blue for Our Lady. I should have just invited him to Mass.

GOOD DEALS

Anyway, I had only planned to buy him one, but they were on clearance for $15 each! They come with the vest, a necktie, and a bow tie, and they're regularly $59.

Then I went to Dillard's to look for him some dress slacks. He's grown another inch. I looked through the clearance rack and didn't find anything. The salesman asked me what size and color I was looking for and then handed me a pair of $65 Jack Nicklaus slacks like it was a done deal. I didn't like the way they felt. I peeked at the tag--100% polyester. I was not about to pay $65 for polyester, but I just tucked them under my arm and kept looking. On a nearly-empty shelf I found a pair of summer weight 100% wool, Hart, Schaffner, and Marx slacks marked down to $45 from $150. I took them to the clerk and told him that I wanted them instead of the polyester pair. He said, "Certainly, there is no comparison."

"You stinker!" I thought to myself.

"Never Wear Brown at Night. Never."

Sinatra's Rules for men, via A Suitable Wardrobe.

And You Thought Chivalry was Dead

Chad, Thomas, and Aaron Ladner escorted Emma home the other night, at least 40 miles out of their way roundtrip, because they wanted to ensure that she made it safely on her first night of driving by herself.

It was a gallant deed, and I will be eternally grateful.

The Beauty of Bespoke

Bespoke

British English term for clothing made at a customer's behest, and exactly to the customer's specification. Bespoke clothing is created without use of a pre-existing pattern, differentiating it from made to measure, which alters a pattern to fit the customer.
- from the word bespeak, meaning to ask for or order something. Has its roots in Savile Row, dating from the 17th century when tailors held the full lengths of cloth on their premises. When a customer would choose a length of cloth, it was said to have 'been spoken for.'--Edwin DeBoise, Savile Row Bespoke Tailor

Giuseppe at An Affordable Wardrobe has a post with photos of a gorgeous bespoke hunting jacket. It is pure handsome in detail and fabric. I would love to see a man wearing it, accessorized with an appropriate firearm and a sleek hunting dog.

A Simple Guide to Men's Dress for "Life's Big Events"

Graduations, weddings, first dates--this article by Antonio Centeno, president of ATailoredSuit.com, explains in words and pictures how a man should dress. It also clears up the meaning of murky terms like "Business Casual".

Best of all, it makes the point that it's not about the man's comfort. It's about presenting himself in such a way that he shows his respect for others.

Here's an excerpt from the article that deals with funeral dress:

A man’s purpose when attending a funeral is to comfort the bereaved; by attending and dressing appropriately he shows his support and pays his respects to the deceased and their family. Funeral invitations are rare, but the prescribed outfit is universal across the English speaking world; a dark suit, a simple shirt, a somber tie, and polished shoes.

I will go through Nathaniel's ties with him and help him choose some that will be appropriate for funerals. For him, it will be more of a color issue than pattern. He does well choosing, overall. I have been a little too relaxed about the issue because most men at the funerals I've attended recently did not wear a tie at all, much less a somber tie. That's really no excuse, though.

Nathaniel is enjoying wearing a suit more now that I have found him the Van Heusen fitted dress shirts. They take all the puffiness out of the sides of the shirt and give him a tailored look even without his jacket. The leaner cut accentuates his shoulders as well. I think most young men would prefer this cut if it works for their body type.

Beware of Cheap Polyester Imposters

when you're shopping for ties.

Find more great tie-shopping tips in this article from A Tailored Suit.

Dressing Men

I never had a Ken doll. If I had, I might have given some childhood thought to what men wear. Coming of age in the era of polyester and the Leisure Suit did not help.

All I was concerned about was what looked good on me--how I could save enough money to get it and how I could keep my sisters from borrowing it once I had it. My future role as wife, mother, and men's suit fashion adviser never once blipped on my it's-all-about-me radar screen.

Then I married. I don't think Herb owned a suit, and it was not a problem for him or me. My first inkling that I had a supporting role in my husband's fashion play, a role for which I did not even have a script, was when he began working as an engineering intern for a firm in Atlanta. He asked me to help him pick out a tie to go with a new tweed sportcoat.

I was completely baffled. My instinct told me to get a solid color. Didn't my mama always say, "Better safe than sorry!"? Thankfully, we got some help from a salesman, and a much more interesting choice was made.

Since then, I've gradually gotten more confident in making tie choices simply by paying attention to shirt/tie combinations in catalogs and in the stores. In the last few years, I've been called upon more for advice on the actual cut and fit of the suit. My competence at this level of play is minimal. My main contribution here rests on the simple fact that I can see the suit from the back and tell whether there is a pucker across the shoulders or a gap in the jacket vent. There is so much more to learn.

Recently, the ante has been upped again. My son asked if I thought a high-contrast pinstripe suit would look good on him. How do you choose between pinstripes, plaids, and herringbones? I'm endeavoring to learn. This article helped.

Stepping Up to the Fashion Plate with the Pocket Square

First, some handkerchief history from Hudson Pocket Squares:

What is a Pocket Square?

A pocket square (handkerchief) is a thin, square, cloth used for wiping the eyes and nose. It can be made of any cloth, but is typically made of linen, cotton or silk.

The first handkerchiefs were small pieces of silk tissue used by priests and clergy at the altar. At first, handkerchiefs were carried in the hand, not the pocket. They were carried both for utilitarian purposes and for dress. They quickly became an essential accessory.

Through the ages, the handkerchief saw many uses and styles. At some point around the 18th century, the square shape was defined as being the standard, based on a version that Marie-Antoinette made. Louis XVI even published a decree stating that the length and width of a handkerchief must be equal.

It wasn't until the early 20th century that the pocket square, or pocket handkerchief, became popular. Handkerchiefs were folded and placed in the breast pocket of suits, and this quickly became the sign of style and stature. For decades, men would not be considered properly dressed without a pocket square in the breast pocket.

Since Nathaniel turned 17, he has become more interested in his appearance. Just before church recently, he asked me how to fold a handkerchief into a pocket square.

I did not know how, and we didn't have time to find out. Later that week, I looked at some pre-folded ones with matching ties at a department store, but I felt it would be a little degrading, like giving him a pre-tied necktie, so I bought him some monogrammed handkerchiefs for his pants pocket instead. Then I found this article from The Art of Manliness site that explains with written and video directions how to fold three different styles of pocket squares.

To get more ideas I visited PocketSquareZ. The site shows many more styles, but most of them struck me as too flamboyant. However, I suspect fabric choice makes more of a difference in this regard than the actual fold style. PocketSquareZ also features a few matching tie/pocket square sets.

Belisi features matching ties for every pocket square it sells. After studying them and looking at this picture from Joseph Bank,
I agreed with Art of Manliness that pocket squares should complement the tie but not be the same fabric. Plain white ones go with everything.

I saw silk pocket squares from $8 all the way to $125. The $8 one was the PocketSqauareZ silk or satin, "carefully folded and sewn together between an attractive insert card". I figure they use the bare minimum of fabric. Sewn into an insert card, they are definitely for looks only. For $16 you can get a non-folded silk pocket square from Belisi, but I could not find the measurements. The $125 one was 16" x 16" of 100% silk.

Hudson Pocket Squares makes pre-folded 100% Irish linen pocket squares in a variety of colors for $15. They use a full 16" by 16" piece of fabric, but I don't know how the fold is secured.

As far as fabric choice, a (non pre-folded) white cotton or linen is preferred if it is to be used as a handkerchief. Otherwise, keep a utilitarian handkerchief in the pants pocket and save the red silk pocket square for attracting young ladies.

One commenter on the Art of Manliness article suggested carrying two cotton handerchiefs with the silk pocket square: one for the tears of a damsel in distress, one for the man's eyes, nose, or glasses. I thought this was a good idea. After all, few women carry handkerchiefs anymore, and they cry just as much or more than ever. It gives the man an easy way to show compassion without having to say too much in what is often an awkward situation.

Hatty Birthday

We celebrated Herb and Nathaniel's June 30th birthday for two days. On Sunday we brunched elegantly at the Hotel Galvez in Galveston with Herb and Nathaniel's Schola buddy, Mickey. Mickey's birthday was June 27th. The champagne was scrumptious, the piano playing divine.

Monday, Herb and Nathaniel golfed at Tour 18, then returned home in time for Oreo ice cream cake and presents. Nathaniel and Emma presented Herb with a hat, and he loved it! The hat is a Stetson "Andover". Here is the description from DelMonico Hatter: "A Florentine Milan Straw Hat from Stetson. The brim on the hat shown is Sand color and the crown is Beige. The Stetson Andover is also available in Grey/Black which is a Grey crown and a Black brim. The hat has a sculptured hat band that goes perfectly with the brim and crown colors. The brim width is 2 1/4" and the crown has a pinch in it. We think that this is a very handsome straw hat, it looks well on our customers."

Emma had Herb review the hat etiquette graphic that I had posted on the refrigerator.


After he got it back from Nathaniel, he wore it the rest of the night, and that included going to the May Community Center to watch Nathaniel and Emma square dance. It was their second night of lessons.

Keeping the Ball Rolling on Hats

UPDATE: After consulting with my Mom, I've decided to look for a cooler hat. The one I had picked is probably too hot for Houston summers.

What can you do to restore the culture? Along with printing and posting the men's hat etiquette guide that is at the bottom of Dr. Horvat's article I posted yesterday, you can buy your husband/father a hat for Father's Day! Have him wear it to church.

I'm purchasing this gray fedora hat for Herb's Father's Day present. Luckily, he never reads my blog! It's $68 from Hats in the Belfry. You can spend a lot more, but I think this is a great start.
http://www.hatsinthebelfry.com/page/H/PROD/fedora_hats/0110grey

Traditional Catholicism Honors Masculinity

Nothing effeminate here! I had just finished editing my Austin-Healey post when I saw this New Oxford Review ad and had to share it with you. NOR runs the most exciting, innovative, flex-your-biceps, pump-the-testosterone ads I know of in Catholic journalism. Naturally they appeal to men, which is a really good thing. Great job, NOR!

I Hate to See Him Grow Up

I'm reading aloud again from Ralph Moody's "Little Britches" series, this time A Horse of a Different Color. I'm feeling sad because it is the last book in the series and because I know that at the end of this book our hero up and marries a city girl, leaving ranching behind forever to go work for a big corporation. How could he do that to us?

Men do that, though: drop everything they love, to do what will support a family. I pray that Nathaniel will be able to find something he loves to do that will support his family well. I see him moving so close to where we are with Ralph Moody in the book. I don't know about the city girl part, but I see him becoming so independent, so capable. He's good at fixing things like his daddy is.

.